Be upfront. When you’re dating, it usually doesn’t take long for sex to enter the conversation. Inform your potential partner of your decision early on. I’m not saying walk into the first date with a “Hello My Name Is: Celibate” name tag, but when the topic of sex is brought up do not engage in a racy conversation, knowing that isn’t your intent. You want to be clear on your position and avoid misleading your potential partner. Doing this early on helps you get that weight off your chest and also gives your date the ability to determine if this is something he or she can handle.
Know your end goal. Are you waiting for marriage? A committed relationship? Have a three month rule? You need to know the requirements that need to be met before sex can be placed on the table. It’s helpful to share this information with your potential partner. It makes it known that sex is important to you, just not something you’re looking to engage in at this moment.
Judgement is inevitable. Be prepared for people’s decisions to differ from yours. Everyone won’t have the same requirements and values as you. Be prepared for people to be confused by your choice. People are going to judge. This is part of the territory. You cannot let the opinions of others sway your decision.
Stand your ground. Being celibate is way harder when you have someone you like and are attracted to in your life. Temptation is inescapable, which is why it’s so important to find someone that respects your values. You want to be with someone who respects your decision to abstain and who isn’t constantly trying to get you to change your mind.
Choosing to be celibate in a sex saturated society has its difficulties. Not everyone is going to agree with your choice but there is someone out there who will. Stand firm in your decision.
This Topic of the Week was written by Malyka Cardwell, MFT.