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Philly Family Fun

3/16/2015

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Being cooped up all winter can make anyone stir crazy, but Spring is just around the corner! It is finally time to enjoy some nice weather and the family outings that will follow. However, keeping kids entertained on a regular business can be a difficult task, but being in Philadelphia can make that task much easier. The following is a list of events that you can enjoy with the whole family.


Dinosaurs of the Deep at Adventure Aquarium

Now-July 5


The Lego exhibit at the Franklin Institute

Now-September 6


Annie at the Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts

March 17-22


South Street Spring Festival

May 2


Rittenhouse Row Spring Festival

May 2


Sesame Place's 35th Anniversary

May 2- October 31


Italian Market Festival

May 16-17


40th Annual Odunde Festival

June 14


Manayunk Arts Festival

June 20-21


Tall Ships Philadelphia

June 24-28


2nd Street Festival

August 2


Peddler's Village Peach Festival 

August 8-9



This Topic of the Week was brought to you by Danielle Adinolfi, MFT

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The Benefits of Having Difficult Conversations

9/22/2014

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Engaging in difficult conversations are a necessary evil in our situations and relationships. We usually dread having to discuss uncomfortable issues because of the anxiety we feel and the negative feedback we may receive from others. However the good can most certainly outweigh the bad when you have to have a challenging heart to heart with the ones you love. Here are just a few positives that come out of having difficult conversations:   

You have a sense of relief 
When you’re upset about an issue and don’t challenge yourself to discuss it, animosity and resentment can develop; poisoning your spirit and ruining your relationship with others. Even if you have a tremendous amount of anxiety about broaching a subject, talking about it (even if it doesn’t go well) can make you feel a sense of relief due to it being verbalized and heard by the other person(s) involved.

You gain closure and understanding
We can be so offended that we don’t even realize that the person who hurt us did so unintentionally. Speaking up and clearly explaining your issue can help you gain closure after everyone has addressed the misunderstanding. By pushing yourself to verbalize hurts and grievances you open yourself up to the opportunity to gain newfound understanding about yourself and your interactions with others.

You learn how to effectively articulate your emotions
If you are someone who is very reactive or emotional when you try to address an issue with someone, you’re never going to get over it if you choose to continue to avoid the discomfort by refusing to discuss it. We all hate to be the person who thinks of what to say after the fact but you decrease your chances of having to deal with this if you challenge yourself more to speak up about your issues with others. To help you gain clarity about what you want to address during a difficult conversation, create bullet points that you want to bring up. Writing it down beforehand helps you gain a better understanding of why you’re upset and how to communicate that to effectively to someone else.

You find the confidence to set necessary boundaries
Topics that are difficult are usually the ones in which we have to assert ourselves and create a boundary around a behavior that upsets us. Naturally, we hate to make others uncomfortable by correcting or telling them no. Humans are wired for belonging and closeness which leads us to our longing to be well liked and not rock the boat. However it is your responsibility to show people how you should be treated and the more you negate a difficult conversation, the more you accept whatever treatment you are receiving from others.  

You learn how to “do it afraid”
So many things are left unsaid because of the fear and dread associated with challenging conversations. We overthink and assume the worst will happen when we try to broach a touchy subject.
“What if it doesn’t go well?”
“What if they become upset with me?”
“What if they cut me out of their life?”
The above are just some of the fears that pass through our minds when we think about having not so pleasant discussions. Although difficult conversations are challenging, pushing yourself to have them every time a problem arises makes it that much easier. Regardless you will experience fear and anxiety but you’ll gain courage in learning how to do it afraid.

As anxiety provoking as difficult conversations can be, they are essential to our personal growth in life and relationships. When faced with the opportunity, always choose to challenge yourself and others to work through the hard discussion rather than shy away from them. If you feel you need more support on how to handle difficult conversations feel free to contact Philadelphia MFT.

This topic of the week was written and presented by Alanna Gardner, MFT



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3 Consequences You Face When You Ignore Your Intuition

8/5/2014

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With the constant hustle and bustle of everyday life, it can be challenging to take a step back and listen to the small voice within yourself. It's even more challenging to follow your intuition when you're involved in relationships and situations that challenge your decision making. If you find that you consistently ignore what your gut is telling you, here are three reasons why you should start listening:

Experiencing Avoidable Suffering 
When we don't listen to our intuition we often end up making choices that are not in our best interest, leading us to suffer the consequences of ignoring our intuition. What makes the suffering worse is coming to the realization that you could've avoided it all by listening to yourself. We always suffer unnecessarily when we choose to not listen to what we know we should do deep down inside. When you immediately feel an urge to make a choice, listen. You could be saving yourself from a lot of stress, strife and heartache.

Losing Trust in Others
Due to the negative results that occur when we ignore our intuition, we end up getting hurt by others as a result. Consistently following in this pattern creates a cycle of disappointment that keeps you from fully trusting people in your life. You're always looking for the disappointment to happen and try as hard as you can to protect yourself from feeling that pain again. The first step to avoiding this disappointment is to trust what you feel is right and not look to others to make the best decisions for you.

Losing Trust in Yourself
At the end of it all, you are ultimately responsible for the consequences you face for ignoring your intuition. When you continue to go against yourself, you continue to lose faith in yourself. Listening to your intuition helps you gain confidence in you and your decision making. We can't always make the right choice, but we're better off making the choices that we feel deeply comfortable with. 

Ultimately you know what is best for you. You have the power to listen and let your intuition guide you through any situation.
It can be difficult to regain that trust within yourself and others once it's become a deep rooted pattern; if you would like further build your level of trust, contact Philadelphia MFT for more information. 

This topic of the week was presented to you by Alanna Gardner, MFT

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Conflict Avoidance in Intimate Relationships

1/27/2014

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Pictureimage courtesy of google images
Conflict avoidance happens in some of our most intimate relationships. Whether it’s with our friends, family or lovers; we tend to avoid tension and difficult conversations with the hopes that it will all go away. However things usually tend to get worse and we miss the opportunity to speak up and resolve conflict before it becomes too far gone. To avoid that happening to you, here are some tips on how to address conflict with others.

Recognize Why You’re Avoiding Conflict

Do you know why you’re avoiding the difficulties in your relationships with others? Most of us by nature hate conflict but pin pointing why you’re going above and beyond to avoid conflict can give you some insight on how to move forward. Are you afraid of speaking up? Do you think the other person will fly off the handle? Or are you fearful of damaging or losing the relationship? Once you understand the “why” you can move on to the “how”.

Make A Plan of Action

After you’ve recognized the “why”, take the proper steps to move past it. If you know that you get tripped up over your words, write out your points before hand and read them over so that you become comfortable with them before you talk with someone. If you tend to get really emotional during your discussions, look up some calming techniques you can use if things get too heated. There are so many ways you can rectify your issue, you just have to take the time out to develop it.

Release Your Expectations of the End Result

You can’t control how someone will react or how a situation will turn out once you address conflict. As uneasy as that may be, once you accept that fact you will be able to be more truthful with your feelings and concerns. The most you can do is control yourself and make sure you do your best on your end to be respectful, honest, and thoughtful in how you speak and respond.

Handling conflict can be stressful and sometimes you need some additional help depending on the situation. Here is a post that may ease you through the process:

Conflict Resolution Skills: Building the Skills That Can Turn Conflicts into Opportunities

If you feel your conflict is too big to handle on your own, don’t hesitate to call Philadelphia MFT for a free 15 minute consultation or to schedule an appointment to assist you through your conflicts.

This topic of the week was written by Alanna Gardner, MFT.


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Navigating Through The Holiday Season

11/18/2013

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The holiday season can be a hectic time of the year. Not just because of the all the traveling, shopping and gift giving; but because the holiday season tends to bring out the crazy in all of us. With the increase amount of time spent together as well as outside stressors, the holidays can bring out the worst in us when we’re around our loved ones; but it doesn’t have to be all bad. Here are some tips on how to navigate the emotional highs of the holidays.

1. Plan Accordingly
Frequently new couples and families end up bickering on where to spend the holidays.  This can be avoided by planning in advance where and who you’re going to spend the holiday season with. Sit down and have a discussion to ready yourselves so that when the time comes extended families are prepared  and will not get upset about who is not showing up for the annual holiday dinner.  A great solution is to take turns attending holiday events; one year with one family and the next year with another if you can’t do both in one holiday season.

2. Reduce Your Stressors & Unplug from the World
Outside stressors such as traveling and work can exacerbate the anxiety you feel around visiting family leading you to have less patience and potentially blowing up on those around you. Learning how to avoid stressors and tune out from the rest of the world can help you focus on enjoying your time with your family more. Leave work for after holiday break and turn your cell phone off. Be attentive to who is in front of you and make some loving memories.

3. Know When to Leave
There are very few of us who have picture perfect families and being around our more troublesome family members can trigger issues or negative interactions. Your best bet if you’re not ready to hash out family drama is to just enjoy yourself and know when things are beyond your control. Understand when it’s time for you to go before things start going south and leave you emotionally exposed.

4. You Can Only Control You
To bounce off of point number three, learning to accept your family members for who they are is half the battle while the other is knowing that you can only control your responses to your loved ones upsetting behavior. Yes your emotionally draining mother and critical father can push your buttons but it’s your job, not theirs, to set boundaries with them and respond in a way that is cool calm and collected while also letting them know it’s not OK to do.  

5. Have an Attitude of Gratitude
Last but not least, regardless of your circumstances with your family, the holiday season is about gratitude; be thankful from where you came. Your family, all of the good, bad, ugly, and unmentionable is what made you out to be the person you are today. Find and be thankful for all the good and resilient qualities you and your family have now because of what you’ve been through with each other.

All in all the holidays are difficult in more ways than one. If you tend to struggle during this time of year and need extra support contact the therapists of Philadelphia MFT for a free 15 minute consultation that can help you sort out if therapy is right for your particular case. We are here to support and strengthen you during trying times. Travel safe and have a Happy Thanksgiving and Hanukkah!  

This topic of the week was written by Alanna Gardner, MFT


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