Philadelphia MFT - Psychotherapy for the modern world
Follow Philadelphia MFT on Social Media
  • Home
  • Therapists
    • Danielle Massi, LMFT
    • Brian Swope, LMFT
    • Alanna Gardner, MFT
    • Malyka Cardwell, MFT
  • Services
    • Premarital Bootcamp
    • Types of Therapy >
      • Sex Therapy
      • Couple's & Systemic Therapy
    • Shop MedAmour
  • The Blog
  • Multimedia
  • Contact

Philadelphia MFT

... A New Perspective on You and Your Relationships

Schedule an Appointment

Finding Yourself

4/26/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
What makes you you is what makes you unique. For some people, that happens sooner or more easily than for others. Not the speed with which they find it, but the act of finding him/herself and the acceptance of that is a sign of a strong and centered person.

This journey usually happens when you are single, or in a relationship that provides the security to make the trip. It removes much of our anxiety because the certainty provides the stability needed, but also the knowledge of what is needed when facing uncertainty. It is entwined with self-esteem but it goes beyond that.
​
Finding yourself makes you stronger on your own and stronger in the relationships of which you are a part.

Explore. Have a curiosity about yourself and the world around you. Go deeper with the things you know you like and see if there is more in them for you. Try new things to test yourself, meet new people, and find out if there is more for you. You’ll also learn what you don’t like.

Respect. “To thine own self be true,” Shakespeare said. Compromise is a part of any relationship, but when it comes to self care and your own morals and deeper beliefs, ignoring or taking short cuts may mean paying for it later, from a physical healthy/mental health point. Too tired, sick, or feeling bad about a decision are big potholes in your journey and is something very much in your control.

Trust. Trust is something people think is placed onto another person, but it starts first with yourself because others can and will let you down. Know your abilities to stretch them when you feel you can or you feel you have the support needed to do more. Develop your gut feeling by first starting with the small and listening to it and coming to understand it before, during, and after.

Each of these paths to a more insightful and centered self can be taken in many different ways. The process will be an enriching one for yourself and the connections you have with others. Yoga and mindfulness are easily accessible on-ramps, because each is inherently about exploration, respect and trust and you develop these traits on a physical, mental and emotional level.

Therapy can be a great guide, too, especially if there is a history of not understanding these concepts or for someone who has had many violations of respect or trust – both internally and externally.

Regardless of how you develop any or all of these, the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and better you can be as a family member, friend, and intimate partner.

This Topic of the Week was written by Brian Swope, MFT.

0 Comments

Achieving Freedom From Fear

4/20/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
Fear is something that we all live with; it's inside of us and all around us. Whether we're fearful of our relationships failing or who is going to be the next President of the United States, we are constantly bombarded with internal or external triggers that send us into survival mode. A healthy amount of fear is good. Basic fight or flight mechanisms is one of the things that has brought the human race this far. But in today's modern world fear doesn't serve the same purpose and too many of us are crippled from focusing on fear driven what ifs. Here are some ways to achieving freedom from fear:

Know your triggers
Do you have an idea of what truly scares you? I'm not just talking about things that would make anyone cautious like being alone in a dark alley. I'm talking about the things that put a hard stop on you taking action in the direction you need to go in to live a fulfilling life. Do you avoid conflict and setting boundaries when it's necessary? Are you ignoring cutting off a relationship because you're afraid you'll end up alone? Whatever it may be have an understanding of those fear triggers. Start by writing them down and list how they show up in your life, and how they prohibit you from thriving in your life.

Understand the root of your fears
After you've listed your fear triggers, take time to process where they come from. Are they genuinely from you and a bad personal experience or is it something that was drilled into you from someone else? I know there are things that I was/am afraid of due to it being repeated to me over and over by someone close. Whatever the case may be, examine what is feeding into these fears. Cut back or completely diminish the sources of these fears in your life. You cant grow in courage if you keep feeding the fear.

Is it logical
An acronym I once saw listed fear as: False Evidence Appearing Real
As corny and Facebook cliché as it sounds; that's exactly what a lot of our fear is: false circumstances or thoughts appearing as truth. Fear and the way we interpret it has a way of transforming into "truth" the more we overanalyze it. You have to be objective and honest with yourself and if you can't do that get an outside perspective. We are often so good at encouraging other people to not be afraid of something yet can't get past our own fears. Having someone hold you accountable and verbalize how your fears actually sound out loud can be helpful.

Increase your courage
Courage is not defined as being fearless but having the ability to do something that frightens you. Do something that scares you everyday. Again cliché Facebook status worthy but so true. Courage is like a muscle, you have to work it everyday for the results to be seen. So start off small. If you feel uncomfortable sending something back when it needs to be sent back? Do it. If you feel uncomfortable correcting someone about something when it needs to be done? Do it. The more you take these small steps out of your comfort zone, the more you're able to move onto bigger things that tap into your fear.

This topic of the week was written by Alanna Gardner, MFT. 
0 Comments

Don't Lose Your Cool

4/10/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
When you feel like you're going to explode with anger, it may seem as though nothing can stop it. But these 5 steps can help you calm down and keep you from losing your cool (or something more). Next time you're about to go off the deep end, try the following:

​1. Walk away and try to find a quiet spot

2. Shut your eyes and take ten deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth

3. Smile (even if you're faking it)- smiling instantly boosts your mood by releasing endorphins into your system

4. Ask yourself if the issue at hand is worth it

5. Walk back into the situation calmer and clearer than you were

These 5 steps can help you keep your anger in check. By removing yourself from the tense situation, you will have time to calm your mind and re-focus on what is important. ​

This Topic of the Week was written by Danielle Adinolfi, MFT
0 Comments

Welcome to Rece's World 

4/5/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
In honor of National Autism Awareness Month we are once again sharing the story of how autism has impacted the lives of one special family.  

Emily Perl Kingsley wrote “Welcome to Holland” to explain her experience in raising a child with special needs. Twenty five years have passed since its origin and this piece continues to resonate with parents. Below is the journey of Jasmine and Maurice as they navigate through the ups and downs that accompany raising a child with autism.

“When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy.  You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum.  The Michelangelo David.  The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.  You pack your bags and off you go.  Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy!  I'm supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan.  They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.”


Jasmine and Maurice descended into Holland two years into their son Rece’s life. This new destination was not a complete surprise; for months they had been monitoring his changing behavior. They knew something was different but were unable to pinpoint what was going on. This was until Maurice’s mother mentioned autism as being a possible explanation to Rece’s erratic behavior. After doing research on the topic they realized a majority of Rece’s symptoms were consistent with children on the autism spectrum. They then scheduled a doctor’s appointment and after months of screening, their assumptions were confirmed. Rece was diagnosed with autism.

“The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place.  It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.  But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rembrandts.”


Caring for a child on the autism spectrum is not an easy feat, but Jasmine and Maurice find a way to make it work.  Rece’s diagnosis made them diligent in discovering the best services for him. Their growing support system consists of family, friends, church members, teachers, and various therapists (e.g., occupational, speech, physical, behavioral). This outstanding team continues to produce noticeable changes in Rece’s behavior. His communication has improved and he can accomplish certain physical tasks with more ease. Rece is also increasingly social and has a stronger desire to be independent. Caring for Rece can be difficult at times, but there are many positive aspects as well. Rece draws people in with his good looks and happy demeanor. He is affectionate and has the ability to brighten up the darkest situations.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.  And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever  go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

Jasmine and Maurice do an excellent job staying positive but there are still times when they can become overwhelmed. Even with all of the support they receive, they are still left to mourn the loss of what could have been. Other children serve as constant sources of comparison. Fears and questions about Rece’s functionality float in the air looking for absent resolutions. Will he be able to be truly independent? Will he ever be able to really communicate his thoughts, feelings, and desires? Will he be an outcast among his peers? Will they ever make it to Italy?

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

For now, Maurice and Jasmine will not get all of their questions answered. While this is a big concern for them, they do not allow themselves to be consumed.They remain dedicated to appreciating Rece. When asked if they could offer up advice to any other couples in their predicament, they offered up three tips: advocate for your child, be open to sharing your experience, and be patient. Jasmine, Maurice, and Rece are all on a unique journey together. They may not be in Italy but Rece has given them access to an equally wonderful place.

* italicized words are excerpts from Welcome to Holland.

This Topic of the Week was written by Malyka Cardwell, MFT and originally posted on 9/25/13.

0 Comments

    Archives

    November 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012

    Categories

    All
    Addiction
    Anxiety
    Bullying
    Chronic Illness
    Communication
    Disease
    Disorders
    Divorce
    Family
    Friendships
    Grief
    Heart Disease
    Relationships
    Work Related Stress

    RSS Feed

Schedule your appointment today!


Hours

M-S: 9am - 9pm

Telephone

215-995-0176

Email

contact@philadelphiamft.com
Photos used under Creative Commons from Tavallai, Free Grunge Textures - www.freestock.ca, Ronald (Ron) Douglas Frazier, forum.linvoyage.com, steffy., Jonathan Rolande, Mohammed Jaffar, Arun kumar | Photography, nparekhcards, CarbonNYC [in SF!], Bookis, Arya Ziai, sheggy, Free for Commercial Use, Ted Drake, hyacinth50, Emery Co Photo, scatto felino, OUCHcharley, Simon & His Camera, aqsahu, ChristophLacroix, LadyV25, Keoni Cabral, Rosmarie Voegtli, Skley, jk+too, apparena, laradanielle, miguelb, Emery Co Photo, geishaboy500, Momentchensammler, elidr, mypubliclands, PinkPersimon, _-0-_, LOLren, spinster cardigan, westconn, katerha, Mitya Kuznetsov, Daquella manera, Spirit-Fire, haven't the slightest, RowdyKittens, Kathleen Waters Photography, Jangra Works, 準建築人手札網站 Forgemind ArchiMedia, Cristiano Betta, derrickcollins, Wanna Be Creative, Lodderup, .FuturePresent., urbaneapts, woodleywonderworks, sara biljana (account closed), C. K. Hartman, timo_w2s, William Hook, Courtney Emery, LaVladina, mynameisharsha, SHOTbySUSAN, Crystl, Pink Sherbet Photography, Thuy Pham, CJS*64 A man with a camera, braerik, Kirt Edblom, BaileyRaeWeaver, K Tao, Matt McGee, Alex Mueller's Daily Photo, LeonArts.at, seyed mostafa zamani, AJC ajcann.wordpress.com, Sean MacEntee, ChrisHaysPhotography, theglobalpanorama, charlie 13N, mindfreeze86, Bill Kasman