The game is tied, 31 seconds left on the clock, your point guard has possession of the ball, he lets the clock runs out and finds his teammate willing and ready to hit the game winning shot. Your team is in the Sweet 16, your throat is sore from screaming, your heart is virtually out of your chest and your dinner is fighting its way back down to your stomach. If you’re a fan of La Salle or Philadelphia sports in general, you most likely felt these emotions while watching the team play this past Sunday. Winning is an awesome feeling. The amount of pride and joy received from watching the team you root for win is almost indescribable.  

But what about losing? What about the guys and girls packing their bags to go back to their hometowns? What about the seniors who have played their last game? What about the fans? I know some may be apathetic towards the losers, but the reality is as a sports fan you have to get accustomed to losing, especially here in Philadelphia. Losing parallels winning in intensity. It is painful and disappointing. People often have a hard time dealing with the loss of games or competitions. Here are some tips to get through this process:

• Space is key. Whether you’re an athlete or a die hard fan, it is always important to take some space after a big loss in order to clear your head from the game.
  
  
• Accept the disappointment. Realize that it is fine to feel down. In the case of athletes, this is definitely an important skill because not acknowledging it doesn’t erase the feeling, just suppresses it for a later date.  
  
  
• Speak with like minded people. If you’re a fan, vent amongst other fans. If you’re an athlete, talk it over with your teammates. Speak with people who can identify with your feelings.
  
  
• Readjust your focus. Athletes need not dwell on what they did wrong but what they can do moving forward. During the off season, fans should focus on other things that makes them happy
  
  

Ill feelings towards a loss typically do not last too long, but if you notice that these feelings are interfering with your everyday activities it is time to seek professional help. If you are an athlete and preoccupied with a loss so much so that it prevents you from performing, professional help may be needed as well. The therapists here at Philadelphia MFT are more than capable of helping with these issues- do not hesitate to contact us. 

This topic of the week was written by Malyka Cardwell, MFT


*GO LA SALLE!*

For most of psychotherapy’s existence, spirituality and therapy have been separate entities. Some who sought therapy wouldn’t share with their congregation or spiritual teachers that they were receiving outside help for their problems, while others kept their spirituality a non factor in their counseling sessions. But over the past decade, spiritual practices in combination with secular therapy have proven to be beneficial to clients’ overall improvement. Philadelphia MFT decided to answer a few questions to help bridge the gap between therapy and religion:

Why should I go to therapy if I am already attending church?
Church and other spiritual practices are important for many people. It gives a sense of community and belonging while also providing a sense of calm during times of stress. The benefits of seeing a therapist while also engaging in spiritual practices is that your therapy gives you personalized attention to help you get to the root of your issues. Having professional guidance on how to address and handle difficult situations will only benefit you.

I’m worried about my therapist not sharing the same spiritual beliefs as me.
A quality therapist is one that can help you with your problems, not judge you for your beliefs and knows better than to press their spiritual beliefs, or lack there of, on to you. Your spirituality is an important part of who you are and the way you live your life. Your therapist should understand that and take it into consideration when you’re discussing your problems. If you are concerned with your therapist's spiritual beliefs, there are ways to search for therapists who have the same spiritual background as you. Searching for one through sites such as Psychology Today can help you find a faith-based therapist that works with specific spiritual backgrounds.

I’m receiving counseling through my church, would receiving outside therapy be harmful?
I’ve met plenty of people who see a counselor at their church as well as a therapist that is non-affiliated with their church or religious belief. The two shouldn’t conflict especially if you’re keeping all of your therapy outlets aware of the topics you’re discussing. It’s good to get a clinical or faith-based perspective about your problems. You will oftentimes be surprised that your spiritual teachings and therapist’s recommendations are similar in nature, just one being spiritually focused and the other being clinical.

Overall spirituality and therapy shouldn’t be at odds with one another. Therapists understand that people are a part of multiple systems that cultivate who they are. With religion often being one of those systems, Marriage and Family Therapists are understanding and respectful about how religion and spirituality shape people and their relationships. MFTs keep spirituality in mind during our sessions with individuals, couples, and families and encourage our clients to use religion if they share that in therapy. In the end religion and therapy are here to assist and aid people with their problems, not cause them.

This topic of the week post was written by Alanna Gardner, MFT

Myth: Only crazy people go to therapy
            Truth: Most clients are ordinary, everyday people with typical problems. Things like the loss of a loved one, a break-up, or a relationship rut are common issues addressed in therapy. Most people will go through difficult times, and therapy at Philadelphia MFT will help the person(s) involved to gain better insight on their issue.


Myth: And only couples on the verge of breakup go to therapy
            Truth: Some couples find it helpful to have regular relationship check-ups to ensure things are working properly in their relationship. In fact, some of the happiest couples you know may be in an out of therapy. A lot of the work we love to do at Philadelphia MFT is preventative measures to help individuals work together efficiently and successfully for the long-term. These types of session are meant to strengthen couples that are currently in a good place and hope to remain there by addressing small issues that have the potential to grow if left untreated.


Myth: Once you start therapy, you are in for life
            Truth: Some people come for three sessions, others come for three years, but one thing is for sure- the client determines the length of therapy, not the therapist. Sure, some people choose to stay in therapy long-term, but that is because it makes them feel good when they make positive changes in their lives!  Remember, therapy is a choice that can put you and your partner on the path to a greater understanding of yourselves as individuals and as a couple.


Myth: Couples therapy will only make our relationship worse
            Truth: When a couple seeks treatment, a therapist sees two possible end results for them - staying together or amicably separating. But the clients are the ones who make that decision. If both partners want to better their relationship, then the end goal is obvious and the work done in therapy will help alleviate some of the current issues they face. It will also allow things to be brought up in a safe space and at a time when both people are ready to address whatever issues (known or unknown) are plaguing them.


Myth: In couples therapy, therapists side with the partner who acts like the victim
            Truth: This is a common misconception that is absolutely untrue. Every therapist understands that nothing happens in a vacuum- each partner plays an equal role in every issue. So when one person is blaming the other, we do our best to help both partners see how they are contributing to the problem, and that no one person is ever completely at fault.


Myth: I should be able to manage my own issues
            Truth: Think about when you are feeling ill: you start to sense the sickness coming on and you make a choice to either see a doctor or wait out the illness and see if it goes away naturally. Sometimes that works and sometimes the sickness becomes debilitating and in extreme cases, degenerative. Mental health follows the same pattern. Unfortunately, the problem you come to therapy with may be so far gone that by the time you seek treatment, there is not much we can do to salvage it (especially with couples who wait too long to get help). Therefore, consider coming to Philadelphia MFT before the problem gets to be unmanageable. And remember, early recognition of a problem leads to a shorter mean time to resolution and that equates to less time actually spent in therapy, because it is much easier to treat a problem at the beginning stages.


Myth: Why go to therapy when I can just take medication?
            Truth: Antidepressants and Anti-anxiety medications are very helpful managing emotions. At their conception, drug-therapies were meant to be used in tandem with talk-therapy. The idea behind this was that the drugs would alleviate the immediate issue, while therapy would help in the long-term. This would allow individuals to eventually stop needing to depend on their medications for emotional well-being. Unfortunately, we have lost sight of how these therapies were meant to help one another, and instead rely on the quick-fix medications offer without ever addressing our concerns. This has led many of us to be over-medicated, and unresolved. Therefore, talk-therapy should be used with medications, or as a holistic replacement for drug-therapy.


Myth: Therapy will make you feel shamed & blamed
            Truth: The media portrays therapists as intense and controlling (i.e. Dr. Phil), blaming their clients for their troubles. But this is simply not true of real-life therapy. The therapists at Philadelphia MFT are compassionate and understanding and will empower you to make your own decisions, whatever they may be and at your own pace.


Myth: Therapy is like having a paid best friend- so why pay?
            Truth: Friends are passionate, sympathetic, and care deeply about their friends. But the fact that they are too close to the issue can cloud their judgment. Friends often have motives and opinions that can cause you to make a decision you may regret. Therapists, on the other hand, have years of training, expertise and experience. They care for their clients, but can offer so much more than a friend can, and without the bias. Also, it is much easier to tell someone your deepest, darkest secrets when you have a signed confidentiality agreement.


Myth: Digging up the past won’t be helpful
            Truth: Addressing complicated things you have lived through can, of course, be difficult. But doing so can allow you to see events differently and with a better understanding. This will ultimately give you insight into why you make decisions now based on past events. 


This topic of the week was written by Danielle Adinolfi, MFT

Managing a personal relationship can be difficult enough, at times, but we see plenty of people everyday who can navigate the bumps in the road pretty successfully. In couple's therapy, we try to highlight the strengths to work on so that it can be a little easier overcoming the areas in need of growth.

This situation can be murkier territory when the one you love is also the one with whom you have to make business decisions. Very easily and very quickly each of these relationships can clash and take precedence at inopportune times, to the detriment of everyone and both relationships.

Some ideas to keep in mind when managing dual relationships:

     • The business and personal relationships go with you everywhere, but they shouldn't both be front and center. Find ways to make the relationship that matters the most at the moment the one you are engaged in.

     Keep business out of the bedroom and start each day with your personal relationship. Make sure the personal relationship isn't on hold. Address issues here first, or at least make sure there is an understanding that something needs to be dealt with in the near future. When multiple issues are on the table, there is the danger of things overlapping. Business issues also should be dealt with promptly, but you may find that others can handle business affairs at times while you work things out.

     • Have a support network of friends or colleagues with whom you can talk. There's no need to get other people involved in either of your relationships, but having someone to talk to for ideas and a diversion can be helpful. Talking with your partner in the moment is best, but if that doesn't work, taking a step back to calm down and come back together when you are less angry can make for a more productive discussion.

     • Do not treat your personal relationship like a business. Do not treat your business like a personal relationship. Also, is the split 50/50 in duties? Is this feasible? Should the split in responsibility or “equality” look different during different situations?

     • It's necessary to reevaluate your business plan every once in awhile. It's necessary to do the same for the personal relationship. There will always be a tension playing between the 2 relationships – business expansion/closing/status quo, starting a family or taking vacation, among the many possibilities. It may mean creating “lulls” in one relationship to focus on the dynamics of the other. But these situations need to be agreed upon – including length of time, change in responsibilities, etc. etc.

Remember, any relationship takes hard work to keep it going. A dual relationship might not always require more hard work, but it does require all the parties involved to understand what is needed and to take the time to do so when they can.

The therapists at PhiladelphiaMFT are trained in working with relationships. If you feel either or both of your relationships are in a difficult place right now, give us a call. We can provide a new perspective to highlight solutions you haven't been able to see.

This topic of the week was written by Brian Swope, MFT