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Philadelphia MFT

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A Time for Renewal

2/29/2016

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For a seed to sprout, there must be water, sun/warmth and a surface to take root on. It means breaking out of the shell, sometimes before all the conditions are right. It’s a leap of faith.

What do you need to take root and grow as spring draws ever closer?

Having a goal is good, but having a plan is better. This as the ground as your plan; it’s what the supports the goal. Maybe it is to try something new, or get back into dating. Maybe it means breaking up because your relationship isn’t letting you grow. Regardless of the goal – for change within or outside of yourself, knowing what it will take to accomplish this will mean truly understanding it and yourself in the process. It may not be easy, but do no equate that with impossible. Build up the expectations that most match the reality of yourself and let this inform the steps along the way.

Let the goal be the sun and warmth, something to attract you to it, basking in your accomplishments along the way. Even before the seed flowers, there is sun and warmth to coax the next step along the way. Honor yourself.

Whatever and whomever it might be, let your supports be the water that feeds your plan. Who can you lean on in tough times; with whom can you align your plan to keep each other accountable? The people you surround yourself with should be cheering you on, either loudly or quietly, rather than blocking or tearing you down.

You will stumble at some points, but rather than a reason to call it quits, let it be something to learn from. Adjust your expectations, your plan or your supports. There is always a right time; too early or too late doesn’t make it impossible, it just means a different path to the end goal.

From the flower comes seeds, seeds of learning and growth for yourself on your next journey.

This process happens without a therapist, but if you find supports, or understanding yourself to be difficult, time spent with a therapist can mean exploring your options and yourself in a safe environment. A space where you can be free to think out loud, and consider the most silly to the most serious goals and plans.

The therapists at PhiladephiaMFT are client-focused; we are here to help you develop the skills you have and to build new ones as necessary toward your purpose.

This Topic of the Week was written by Brian Swope, MFT.

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How to Beat the Winter Blues

2/16/2016

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Winter is here and in full effect. With shorter days, longer nights, and single degree temperatures; the snow ridden season can have a negative impact on your mood and the way you view the world around you. It is said that 4 to 6 percent of people have Winter depression, a type of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), that is triggered during the changes in weather. Here are three ways to combat the seasonal slump. 

Change Your Environment
It's important to keep your surroundings bright and filled with light. Brightening your areas makes your feel more upbeat and awake so that you're able to feel more motivated to get out of bed do things outside of cuddling under a mound of blankets.

Soak Up the Sun & Eat in Season

It's important to get as much sunlight as you can. If that means take a brisk walk around your block or sitting by a window to get that much needed Vitamin D; do it. It also helps to eat fruits and veggies that are in season. They help to boost the immune system and prepare the body for cold weather months. Check out this list of winter produce.

Get the Blood Flowing 
Working out naturally releases endorphins that directly improve your mood. You may not be able to go for a run on a cold icy morning but there are so many alternatives and indoor options for working out when it's cold. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a real diagnosis. If you feel abnormally debilitated by Winter; please see your primary care physician or mental health professional for more options.

This topic of the week was written by Alanna Gardner, MFT  

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Making Friends as an Adult

2/8/2016

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​    Making friends when you're young feels effortless. First, our parents set us up on play dates with other kids. Then we start participating in extracurricular a and make friends there. As we get older, we find people at school who connect with us. Then you graduate, and poof- people move away, get married, or are just plain busy working all the time.
    Now what?

    Making friends as an adult is an increasingly difficult task. So much so that there are a steadily growing population of people who lead little to no social life outside of the Internet. Connection is one of our primary needs as human beings, yet it seems it is getting harder to maintain all the time. So how is it done? I'm glad you asked! Here are four tips to help you on your journey to making friends as an adult:

1. Don't say no to an invitation         
       We've all done it- an invitation gets sent your way for a happy hour or birthday get-together and you just blow it off. This is sabotaging your chance to make new friends! Whenever possible, say yes and go in with an open mind.​ 

2. Engage in a hobby
       Is there a class you've always wanted to take but been reluctant to try? Now is the time. You'll meet people who share a similar interest, so you know you already have something in common.


3. Ask your friends to introduce you 
       This sort of seems like dating, but making friends can often feel like that. Put some feelers out to the friends you already have letting them know you're interested in expanding your social circle. Chances are that if you like your friend, you're likely to like their friends too.


4. Reconnect with old friends
       If there is someone you haven't seen in a while but would like to see again, stop procrastinating and reach out to them. It's easy to fall back into old friendships because of your shared history, even if it's been a while.

This Topic of the Week was written by Danielle Adinolfi, MFT
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Navigating Celibacy and Dating 

2/4/2016

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Sex is everywhere. Conversations about what type of sex you’re having, how many people you’re sleeping with, and how often you’re having it, comprise a good portion of our daily discussions. But what about people who aren’t having it at all? Celibacy in this modern age isn’t talked about nearly as much. Choosing to be celibate can make you feel like an outcast especially if you’re actively dating. Here are some tips to help you navigate dating while abstaining:


Be upfront. When you’re dating, it usually doesn’t take long for sex to enter the conversation. Inform your potential partner of your decision early on. I’m not saying walk into the first date with a “Hello My Name Is: Celibate” name tag, but when the topic of sex is brought up do not engage in a racy conversation, knowing that isn’t your intent. You want to be clear on your position and avoid misleading your potential partner. Doing this early on helps you get that weight off your chest and also gives your date the ability to determine if this is something he or she can handle.

Know your end goal. Are you waiting for marriage? A committed relationship? Have a three month rule? You need to know the requirements that need to be met before sex can be placed on the table. It’s helpful to share this information with your potential partner. It makes it known that sex is important to you, just not something you’re looking to engage in at this moment.

Judgement is inevitable. Be prepared for people’s decisions to differ from yours. Everyone won’t have the same requirements and values as you. Be prepared for people to be confused by your choice. People are going to judge. This is part of the territory. You cannot let the opinions of others sway your decision.

Stand your ground. Being celibate is way harder when you have someone you like and are attracted to in your life. Temptation is inescapable, which is why it’s so important to find someone that respects your values. You want to be with someone who respects your decision to abstain and who isn’t constantly trying to get you to change your mind.

Choosing to be celibate in a sex saturated society has its difficulties. Not everyone is going to agree with your choice but there is someone out there who will. Stand firm in your decision.

This Topic of the Week was written by Malyka Cardwell, MFT.

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