1. Think before you speak
Think carefully about what it is that you are asking for, and be sure to word it correctly. Your wording should demonstrate that you are trying to better your sex life, not to put down your partner. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
2. Timing is everything
Make sure you are both in the right place (literally and figuratively) to have the conversation. Talking about a difficult topic will be easier if you are both in a comfortable, laid back mood. You should also attempt to ensure that there will not be anything that could distract from or rush the conversation.
3. It’s all in the details
Be specific about what you want so that you can best help your partner understand. If they feel lost by your request, they may be discouraged to try. And worse, if your partner feels that the request is too broad they may see it as a dig to their sexual prowess. For example, saying “I want something different because I need variety” can be a blow to the ego.
4. Always use positive reinforcement
When your partner listens to and does what you asked for, you should use some sort of positive reinforcement. This will encourage them to do so again, which is ultimately what you are looking for. Examples of this are moaning or saying something like “I love it when you do _______.”
5. Sex is a two way street
Let your partner share what they want from you as well. Remember, sex is a two way street (or sometimes a three way street, but that’s another topic of the week entirely). By allowing there to be give and take you will feel empowered and more sexually connected to one another.
This topic of the week was brought to you by Danielle Adinolfi, MFT