If there is a pattern in our relationship that we are uncomfortable with, it is imperative that we look at what we have done to contribute to or even cause it. Nothing that happens in a relationship happens in a vacuum, and it is never entirely one person’s fault. Oftentimes we are subtly causing our partners to react to whatever it is that we are doing, and that reaction is not always one that we like.
For example, if one partner is upset that the other doesn’t make decisions in the relationship, we must consider how they contribute to the first partner’s indecisiveness. It is likely that the partner who makes decisions often does so without checking in with their partner for their opinion. Over time, the first partner learns that their opinion is not needed, so they make less and less decisions.
To fix any issue in a relationship, we must step back and look at the bigger picture. Getting some perspective on the issue will help us recognize areas we can intervene at to change our behavior and in turn change how our partner’s will react to us. If we use the prior example, we can take a broad look at how we are contributing to our partner’s indecisiveness, and alter our behavior of making decisions without checking in with them. By asking them for their opinion more often, they will gradually react differently by having an opinion and feeling they have the ability to contribute in decision making.
This can be difficult to do at first, but becomes easier over time with practice. A skilled therapist can help you learn how to go about making your relationship a more sound and stable one. The therapists at Philadelphia MFT have years of experience working with individuals and couples on how to address their issues by stepping back and addressing the bigger picture. Contact us here if you are interested in learning more.
This Topic of the Week was brought to you by Danielle Adinolfi, MFT